so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
