i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
