I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
