I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
