How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
