dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
