and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
