I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
