Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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