He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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