My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
