he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
