he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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