I wish I could teleport
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
