he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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