I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
