I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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