maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
