Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
