Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
