Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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