i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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