I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
a search helicopter?!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
