is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
