this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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