Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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