You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
