I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
