Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
