can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
