Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
