I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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