I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
