you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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