I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
