Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
