is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
