I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
