he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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