called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
