Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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