That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
