If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
