last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
