Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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