love makes seman taste better
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We are two peas in an std pod
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
