u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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