I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
well you can't waste a boner
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
