I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
