We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
