Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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