Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
